 - Vanessa: "Your parents are probably wondering where you are." - Juno: "Nah... I mean, I'm already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?"
- "You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events."
- "I think I'm, like, in love with you." - "You mean as friends?" - "No, I mean, like, for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met, and you don't even have to try, you know..." - "I try really hard, actually."
- Rollo: "You better pay for that pee-stick when you're done with it. Don't think it's yours just because you marked it with your urine!"
- Juno: "As far as boyfriends go, Paulie Bleeker is totally boss. He is the cheese to my macaroni."
- Paulie: "I still have your underwear." - Juno: "I still have your virginity." - Paulie: "Would you shut up?"
- Bren: "Doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream."
- Juno: "I could so go for like a huge cookie right now, with like, a lamb kabob simultaneously."
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