 - Fairy Grandma: "I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted! And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried and smothered in chocolate..."
- Donkey: "Oh, Shrek. Don't worry. Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you."
- "Donkey, think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you." - "Oh, where do I begin? First there was the time the farmer traded me for some magic beans. I ain't never gotten over that. Then this fool went off and had a party, and they all starting trying to pin a tail on me. Then they all got drunk, and started hitting me with sticks, yelling 'Piñata! Piñata!'. What the hell is a 'piñata', anyway?"
- Shrek: "Face it, Donkey. We're lost." - Donkey: "We can't be lost. We followed the king's instructions to the letter. What did he say? Go to the deepest, darkest part of the forest." - S.: "Aye" - D.: "Go past the sinister-looking trees with the scary-looking branches." - S.: "Uh-huh" - D.: "And there's that bush that looks like Shirley Bassey." - S.: "Donkey, we passed that bush three times already." - D.: "Well, I wasn't the one who refused to stop for directions."
- Shrek: "Donkey, you're a..." - Donkey: "A stallion, baby! I can whinny!"
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